Hot Fuzz (2007) quotes

Cast
Simon Pegg.
Nick Frost.
Martin Freeman.

A skilled London police officer is transferred to a small town that’s harbouring a dark secret.

Where’s the trolley boy?
– Danny Butterman
In the freezer.
– Nicholas Angel:
Did you say “cool off?”
– Danny Butterman
No I didn’t say anything…
– Nicholas Angel
Shame.
– Danny Butterman
Well, there was the bit that you missed where I distracted him with the cuddly monkey then I said “play time’s over” and I hit him in the head with the peace lily.
– Nicholas Angel
You’re off the fuckin’ chain!
– Danny Butterman

So what made you want to become a policeman?
– Danny Butterman
Officer.
– Nicholas Angel
What made you want to become a policeman-officer?
– Danny Butterman
I don’t remember a time when I didn’t want to be a police officer… apart from the summer of 1979 when I wanted to be Kermit the Frog. It all started with my Uncle Derek. He was a Sergeant in the Met. He bought me a police pedal car when I was five. I rode around in it every second I was awake – arresting kids twice my size for littering and spitting. I got beaten up a lot when I was young, but it didn’t stop me. I wanted to be like Uncle Derek.
– Nicholas Angel
He sounds like a good bloke.
– Danny Butterman
Actually, he was arrested for selling drugs to students.
– Nicholas Angel
What a cunt…
– Danny Butterman
Probably bought the pedal car with the proceeds. Needless to say, I never went near it again. I just let it rust. But I never lost the profound sense of right and wrong I felt at the wheel of that pedal car. I had to prove to myself that the Law could be proper and righteous and for the good of humankind. It was from that moment that I was destined to be a police officer.
– Nicholas Angel
Shame…
– Danny Butterman
How so?
– Nicholas Angel
I think you would have made a great Muppet…
– Danny Butterman

You do know there are more guns in the country than there are in the city.
– DS Andy Wainwright
Everyone and their mums is packin’ round here!
– DS Andy Cartwright
Like who?
– Nicholas Angel
Farmers.
– DS Andy Wainwright
Who else?
– Nicholas Angel
Farmers’ mums.
– DS Andy Cartwright

You wanna be a big cop in a small town? Fuck off up the model village.
– DS Andy Cartwright

Fascist!
– Joyce Cooper
I beg your pardon?
– Nicholas Angel
System of government categorized by extreme dictatorship. Seven across.
– Joyce Cooper
Oh, I see. It’s “fascism.”
– Nicholas Angel
“Fascism”! Wonderful. Now, we’ve put you in the Castle Suite. Bernard will escort you over there.
– Joyce Cooper
Well, actually, I can probably make my own way up. Hag!
– Nicholas Angel
I beg your pardon?
– Joyce Cooper
Evil old woman, considered frightful or ugly, 12 down.
– Nicholas Angel
Oh… bless you!
– Joyce Cooper

You’re a doctor, deal with it!
– Nicholas Angel
Yeah, motherfucker!
– Danny Butterman

Forget it, Nicholas… it’s Sandford.
– Danny Butterman

Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?
– Danny Butterman
No.
– Nicholas Angel
Have you ever fired one gun whilst jumping through the air?
– Danny Butterman
No.
– Nicholas Angel
Ever been in a high-speed pursuit?
– Danny Butterman
Yes, I have.
– Nicholas Angel
Have you ever fired a gun whilst in a high speed pursuit?
– Danny Butterman
No!
– Nicholas Angel

By the power of Greyskull!
– Danny Butterman

Point Break or Bad Boys II?
– Danny Butterman
Which one do you think I’ll prefer?
– Nicholas Angel
No, I mean which one do you wanna watch first?
– Danny Butterman

You’ve got a moustache.
– Nicholas Angel
…I know.
– DS Andy Wainwright

Ever fired your gun in the air and yelled, ‘Aaaaaaah?’
– Danny Butterman

I may not be a man of God, Reverend, but I know right and I know wrong and I have the good grace to know which is which.
– Nicholas Angel
Oh, fuck off, grasshopper.
– Reverend Philip Shooter

Ta-daaa!
– Danny Butterman
Danny, this is murder.
– Nicholas Angel
It’s not murder, it’s ketchup.
– Danny Butterman
It’s Frank! He’s appointed himself Judge, Jury and Executioner.
– Nicholas Angel
He’s not Judge Judy, an Executioner.
– Danny Butterman

Why are you wearing a police officer’s uniform?
– Nicholas Angel
‘Cause I am one?
– Danny Butterman

What’s the situation?
– Nicholas Angel
Two blokes and a fuck-load of cutlery!
– DS Andy Wainwright

Shit just got real!
– Nicholas Angel

Lock me up.
– Simon Skinner
I’m sorry?
– Nicholas Angel
I’m a slasher! I must be stopped!
– Simon Skinner
You’re a what?
– Nicholas Angel
A slasher… of prices! I’m Simon Skinner – I run the local supermarché. Drop in and see me sometime – my discounts are *criminal*. Catch me later!
– Simon Skinner

Ow! You cheeky fucker!
– Nicholas Angel

What’s it like being stabbed?
– Danny Butterman
It was the single most painful experience of my life
– Nicholas Angel
What’s the second most painful?
– Danny Butterman

It’s all right, Andy! It’s just bolognaise!
– DS Andy Wainwright

Sir, is there anything I can do for you?
– Heston Services Clerk
No… This is something I have to do myself.
– Nicholas Angel

Yarp.
– Michael

Angel! Don’t go being a twat, now.
– DS Andy Wainwright
I wouldn’t give you the satisfaction!
– Nicholas Angel

That Sergeant Angel’s coming into your shop. Get a look at his arse.
– Annette Roper

Do you want anything from the shop?
– Danny Butterman
Cornetto.
– Nicholas Angel