Tim Allen quotes

Born
June 13, 1953, Denver, Colorado, U.S.

Occupation
Actor, comedian.

Tim Allen is an American actor and comedian.

I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
– Tim Allen

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
– Tim Allen

When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
– Tim Allen

I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
– Tim Allen

If it doesn’t say Binford on it, somebody else probably made it.
– Tim Allen

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
– Tim Allen

I do a lot of family shows.
– Tim Allen

I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
– Tim Allen

Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
– Tim Allen

I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
– Tim Allen

Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
– Tim Allen

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
– Tim Allen

In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
– Tim Allen

Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
– Tim Allen

I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar… I’d pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I’d go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.
– Tim Allen

Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
– Tim Allen

Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
– Tim Allen

In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
– Tim Allen

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
– Tim Allen

There are flaws in the way politics is reported in this country today and we should do something about it, .. Radio and television coverage of politics doesn’t see its role as a mission to explain, but to destroy, in a pernicious culture in which journalists pit themselves against politicians.
– Tim Allen

As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
– Tim Allen

Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
– Tim Allen

The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
– Tim Allen

Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
– Tim Allen

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
– Tim Allen

Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
– Tim Allen

I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
– Tim Allen

I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
– Tim Allen

But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
– Tim Allen

My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
– Tim Allen

If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
– Tim Allen

Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they’re fun, they do things together, they’re best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
– Tim Allen

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
– Tim Allen

Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
– Tim Allen

I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
– Tim Allen

I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.
– Tim Allen