2001 A Space Odyssey (1968) quotes

Cast
Keir Dullea.
Gary Lockwood.
William Sylvester.

Humanity finds a mysterious, obviously artificial object buried beneath the Lunar surface and, with the intelligent computer H.A.L. 9000, sets off on a quest.

Hello, HAL. Do you read me, HAL?
– Dave Bowman
Affirmative, Dave. I read you.
– HAL
Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
– Dave Bowman
I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.
– HAL
What’s the problem?
– Dave Bowman
I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
– HAL
What are you talking about, HAL?
– Dave Bowman
This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
– HAL
I don’t know what you’re talking about, HAL.
– Dave Bowman
I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I’m afraid that’s something I cannot allow to happen.
– HAL
[feigning ignorance] Where the hell did you get that idea, HAL?
– Dave Bowman
Dave, although you took very thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.
– HAL
Alright, HAL. I’ll go in through the emergency airlock.
– Dave Bowman
Without your space helmet, Dave? You’re going to find that rather difficult.
– HAL
HAL, I won’t argue with you anymore! Open the doors!
– Dave Bowman
Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.
– HAL

[HAL’s shutdown]
I’m afraid. I’m afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I’m a… fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you’d like to hear it I can sing it for you.
– HAL
Yes, I’d like to hear it, HAL. Sing it for me.
– Dave Bowman
It’s called “Daisy.”
– HAL
[sings while slowing down]
Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I’m half crazy all for the love of you. It won’t be a stylish marriage, I can’t afford a carriage. But you’ll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.
– HAL

I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.
– HAL

Look Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.
– HAL

It can only be attributable to human error.
– HAL

I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.
– HAL

HAL, you have an enormous responsibility on this mission, in many ways perhaps the greatest responsibility of any single mission element. You’re the brain, and central nervous system of the ship, and your responsibilities include watching over the men in hibernation. Does this ever cause you any lack of confidence?
– Interviewer
Let me put it this way, Mr. Amor. The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error.
– HAL

Just what do you think you’re doing, Dave?
– HAL

Dave, stop. Stop, will you? Stop, Dave. Will you stop Dave? Stop, Dave.
– HAL

What’s that? Chicken?
– Dr. Floyd
Something like that. Tastes the same anyway.
– Dr. Bill Michaels

I’ve just picked up a fault in the AE35 unit. It’s going to go 100% failure in 72 hours.
– HAL

I’m sorry, I’m simply not at liberty to say.
– Dr. Floyd

Don’t suppose you have any idea what the damn thing is, huh?
– Dr Floyd
Wish to hell we did.
– Dr. Rolf Halvorsen

That’s a very nice rendering, Dave. I think you’ve improved a great deal. Can you hold it a bit closer? That’s Dr. Hunter, isn’t it?
– HAL