The Big Lebowski (1998) quotes

“The Dude” Lebowski, mistaken for a millionaire Lebowski, seeks restitution for his ruined rug and enlists his bowling buddies to help get it.

You ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we’re gonna fuck you up.
Jesus Quintana
Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.
The Dude
Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I’ll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger ’til it goes “click.”
Jesus Quintana
Jesus.
The Dude
You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
Jesus Quintana
Eight-year-olds, Dude.
Walter Sobchak

[holding up a bowling ball]
What the fuck is this?
– Blond Treehorn Thug
Obviously you’re not a golfer.
– The Dude

Shut the fuck up, Donny.
– Walter Sobchak

[repeated line by The Dude and others]
That rug really tied the room together.
– The Dude

Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not “Mr. Lebowski”. You’re Mr. Lebowski. I’m the Dude. So that’s what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.
– The Dude

Nobody fucks with the Jesus!
– Jesus Quintana

Rug pee-ers did not do this. Look at it: a young trophy wife, marries this guy for his money, she figures he hasn’t given her enough, you know, she owes money all over town.
– The Dude
That, fuckin’ – bitch…
– Walter Sobchak
It’s all a god damn fake, man. It’s like Lenin said: you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh, you know…
– The Dude
I am the walrus.
– Donny
You know, you’ll uh, uh – well, you know what I’m trying’ to say…
– The Dude
I am the walrus.
– Donny
That fucking bitch!
– Walter Sobchak
Oh yeah!
– The Dude
I am the walrus.
– Donny
Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
– Walter Sobchak
What the fuck is he talking about?
– Donny

Take it easy, Dude.
– The Stranger
Oh, yeah!
– The Dude
I know that you will.
– The Stranger
Yeah, well – the Dude abides.
– The Dude
[Exits with beers in hand]
[to the camera]
The Dude abides. I don’t know about you but I take comfort in that. It’s good knowin’ he’s out there. The Dude. Takin’ ‘er easy for all us sinners.
– The Stranger

God damn you Walter! You fuckin’ asshole! Everything’s a fuckin’ travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?
– The Dude

[on video]
You must be here to fix the cable.
– Sherry in ‘Logjammin’
Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.
– Maude Lebowski
He fixes the cable?
– The Dude
Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey.
– Maude Lebowski

Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.
– Walter Sobchak

Are you employed, sir?
– The Big Lebowski
Employed?
– The Dude
You don’t go out looking for a job dressed like that? On a weekday?
– The Big Lebowski
Is this a… what day is this?
– The Dude
Well, I do work sir, so if you don’t mind…
– The Big Lebowski
I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man.
– The Dude

Am I wrong?
– Walter Sobchak
No you’re not wrong.
– The Dude
Am I wrong?
– Walter Sobchak
You’re not wrong Walter. You’re just an asshole.
– The Dude
Okay then.
– Walter Sobchak

I’ll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
– Bunny Lebowski
Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We’re all, we’re all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
– Brandt
Brandt can’t watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
– Bunny Lebowski
Ah haha. That’s marvelous.
– Brandt
Uh, I’m just gonna go find a cash machine.
– The Dude

And was there anything of value in the car?
– Younger Cop
Oh, uh, yeah, uh… a tape deck, some Creedence tapes, and there was a, uh… uh, my briefcase.
– The Dude
[expectant pause]
In the briefcase?
– Younger Cop
Uh, uh, papers, um, just papers, uh, you know, uh, my papers, business papers.
– The Dude
And what do you do, sir?
– Younger Cop
I’m unemployed.
– The Dude

Hey, careful, man, there’s a beverage here!
– The Dude

Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.
– The Dude