Blades of Glory (2007) quotes

Directors
Josh Gordon, Will Speck.

Cast
Will Ferrell.
Jon Heder.
Amy Poehler.

In 2002, two rival Olympic ice skaters were stripped of their gold medals and permanently banned from men’s single competition. Presently, however, they’ve found a loophole that will allow them to qualify as a pairs team.

So, Coach, I was thinking about the music for our routine.
– Jimmy
Oh, really?
– Coach
We’re gonna dance to one song, and one song only: “Lady Humps” by the Blackeyed Peas. “What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk? I’m a get you, get you drunk, get you drunk off my lady humps, my humps, my humps, my lovely lady humps.”
– Chazz
I’m not skating to anything with references to lady humps. I don’t even know what that means.
– Jimmy
No one knows what it means, but it’s provocative…
– Chazz
No, it’s not, it’s gross…
– Jimmy
…It gets the people going!
– Chazz

It’s embarrassing stalking a has-been.
– Hector

Troubled childhood? If you consider a 9 year old kid with a 35 year old girlfriend troubled.
– Chazz

Personal philosophy? Clothing optional.
– Chazz

I see you got FAT!
– Jimmy
I see you still look like a fifteen year old girl, but not hot!
– Chazz

I totally want to cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday… It’s coming up…
– Hector

She’s as cold as the ice she skates on. She’s like dry ice. No, wait! She’s colder than that. What’s colder than dry ice?
– Chazz
I don’t know.
– Jimmy
I’ll tell you what is, Oksana.
– Chazz

I don’t share rooms!
– Jimmy
I don’t share SHIT!
– Chazz
The night is a very dark time for me…
– Chazz
It’s dark for everyone, moron!
– Jimmy
Not for Alaskans or dudes with night vision goggles!
– Chazz

Don’t make me kill her!
– Chazz

We love you Denver! City by the Bay!
– Chazz

Get out of my face.
– Jimmy
I’ll get inside your face.
– Chazz

I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!
– Chazz

I think I see the Virgin Mary!
– Chazz
No, that’s not her.
– Jimmy

That’s retarded
– Chazz

Let’s capture the dream.
– Chazz
Capture the-wow I love it. Where’d you come up with that?
– Jimmy
I have no idea where I came up with that.
– Chazz
Cool.
– Jimmy
Let’s kick some ice.
– Chazz

Nothing breaks up a team faster than…
– Fairchild Van Waldenberg
Herpes! Uh… jealousy.
– Stranz Van Waldenberg

Nancy Kerrigan. You an official here? Cause you’ve officially given me a boner!
– Chazz

I see you have learned to work the Google on the internet machine.
– Chazz

I sent you a cup of my blood! Did you get my blood?
– Hector

Mind-bottling, isn’t it?
– Chazz
Did you just say mind-bottling?
– Jimmy
Yeah, mind-bottling. You know, when things are so crazy it gets your thoughts all trapped, like in a bottle?
– Chazz

So, how’d it go with your lady? Carve up any ice… with your weiner?
– Chazz

You getting a lot of satisfaction from those 15 dollar hookers?
– Coach
I am NEVER satisfied! It’s a curse.
– Chazz

I’m getting sick, you smell like aftershave and taco meat!
– Jimmy

No exaggeration, I could not love a human baby more then I love this brush.
– Chazz