Caddyshack (1980) quotes
Director
Harold Ramis.
An exclusive golf course has to deal with a brash new member and a destructive dancing gopher.
Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.
– Al Czervik
You take drugs, Danny?
– Ty Webb
Everyday.
– Danny Noonan
Good.
– Ty Webb
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas.
– Carl Spackler
A looper?
– Angie D’Annunzio
A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.
– Carl Spackler
Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!
– Al Czervik
You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he’s been club champion for three years running and I’m no slouch myself.
– Judge Smails
Don’t sell yourself short Judge, you’re a tremendous slouch.
– Ty Webb
What an incredible Cinderella story. This unknown comes out of nowhere to lead the pack. At Augusta, he’s on his final hole. He’s about 455 yards away. He’s going to hit about a two iron, I think. Well, he got out of that. The crowd is standing on its feet, here at Augusta. The normally reserved Augusta crowd is going wild. For this young Cinderella who’s come out of nowhere, he’s got about 350 yards left. He’s going to hit about a five iron, l expect. Don’t you think? He’s got a beautiful back swing. That’s – oh! He got out of that one! He’s got to be pleased with that. The crowd is just on its feet here. He’s a Cinderella boy. Tears in his eyes, I guess, as he lines up this last shot. He’s got about 195 yards left, and he’s gonna – looks like he’s got about an eight iron. This crowd has gone deadly silent. Cinderella story. Out of nowhere. A former greenskeeper now about to become the Master’s champion. It looks like a miraculous – it’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!
– Carl Spackler
He called me a baboon, he thinks I’m his wife.
– Al Czervik
Don’t be obsessed with your desires Danny. The Zen philosopher, Basho, once wrote, ‘A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.’ He was a funny guy.
– Ty Webb
I’ve sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn’t want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
– Judge Smails
Well? We’re waiting!
– Judge Smails
Look at that one. The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
– Al Czervik
Hey, loosen up, will ya? You’re a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?
– Al Czervik