Dr. Strangelove (1964) quotes

Director
Stanley Kubrick.

Cast
Peter Sellers.
George C. Scott.
Sterling Hayden.

An insane general triggers a path to nuclear holocaust that a war room full of politicians and generals frantically try to stop.

Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room.
President Merkin Muffley

I will not go down in history as the greatest mass-murderer since Adolf Hitler.
President Merkin Muffley
Perhaps it might be better, Mr. President, if you were more concerned with the American People than with your image in the history books.

General “Buck” Turgidson

I will not go down in history as the greatest mass-murderer since Adolf Hitler.
President Merkin Muffley
Perhaps it might be better, Mr. President, if you were more concerned with the American People than with your image in the history books.

General “Buck” Turgidson

Sir! I have a plan!
Dr. Strangelove
[standing up from his wheelchair]
Mein F├╝hrer! I can walk!
Dr. Strangelove

Colonel… that Coca-Cola machine. I want you to shoot the lock off it. There may be some change in there.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake
That’s private property.

Colonel “Bat” Guano
Colonel! Can you possibly imagine what is going to happen to you, your frame, outlook, way of life, and everything, when they learn that you have obstructed a telephone call to the President of the United States? Can you imagine? Shoot it off! Shoot! With a gun! That’s what the bullets are for, you twit!

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake
Okay. I’m gonna get your money for ya. But if you don’t get the President of the United States on that phone, you know what’s gonna happen to you?

Colonel “Bat” Guano
What?

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake
You’re gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company.

Colonel “Bat” Guano

Sir, you can’t let him in here. He’ll see everything. He’ll see the big board!
– General “Buck” Turgidson

Of course, the whole point of a Doomsday Machine is lost, if you *keep* it a *secret*! Why didn’t you tell the world, EH?
Dr. Strangelove
It was to be announced at the Party Congress on Monday. As you know, the Premier loves surprises.

Ambassador de Sadesky

Mandrake, do you recall what Clemenceau once said about war?
General Jack D. Ripper
No, I don’t think I do, sir, no.

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake
He said war was too important to be left to the generals. When he said that, 50 years ago, he might have been right. But today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.

General Jack D. Ripper

Survival kit contents check. In them you’ll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days’ concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella’ could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.
– Major T. J. “King” Kong

Mr. President, we must not allow a mineshaft gap!
– General “Buck” Turgidson

Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face.
– General Jack D. Ripper

Mandrake, have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?
General Jack D. Ripper
Well, no, I can’t say I have.

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake

Try one of these Jamaican cigars, Ambassador. They’re pretty good.
Adm. Randolph
Thank you, no. I do not support the work of imperialist stooges.

Ambassador de Sadesky
Oh, only commie stooges, huh?

Adm. Randolph

Doctor, you mentioned the ratio of ten women to each man. Now, wouldn’t that necessitate the abandonment of the so-called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?
General “Buck” Turgidson
Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious… service along these lines, the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature.
Dr. Strangelove
I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor.

Ambassador de Sadesky

Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines.
– General “Buck” Turgidson

Well, boys, we got three engines out, we got more holes in us than a horse trader’s mule, the radio is gone and we’re leaking fuel and if we was flying any lower why we’d need sleigh bells on this thing… but we got one little budge on them Rooskies. At this height why they might harpoon us but they dang sure ain’t gonna spot us on no radar screen!
– Major T. J. “King” Kong

Based on the findings of the report, my conclusion was that this idea was not a practical deterrent for reasons which at this moment must be all too obvious.
– Dr. Strangelove