Dude, Wheres My Car? (2000) quotes

Director
Danny Leiner.

Cast
Ashton Kutcher.
Seann William Scott.
Jennifer Garner.

Two potheads wake up after a night of partying and cannot remember where they parked their car.

And then?
– Chinese Foooood Lady
No “and then”!
– Jesse
And then!
– Chinese Foooood Lady

Dude, where’s my car?
– Jesse

Hey, have you seen my car?
– Jesse
Well, I saw it last night. I mean, I saw the backseat…
– Christie Boner
No, I’m talking about the whole thing.
– Jesse

Where’s your car, dude?
– Chester

I want to go on that ride, Daddy.
– Birthday Son
Me, too, Son. Me, too.
– Birthday Father

I’ve been in this cage for 3 years and 5 months and 17 days, but who’s countin’?
– Mark

I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games!
– Jesse

I do not want to go down in history as the guy who destroyed the universe.
– Jesse

Who’s Johnny Potsmoker?
– Jesse
Oh ,that’s my alter ego.
– Chester
Wait, I thought Johnny Potsmoker was MY alter ego.
– Jesse
No. Yours is Smokey McPot.
– Chester
Oh yeah.
– Jesse

Stupid llamas!
– Jesse

Hang in there, Dude.
– Jesse

E-mail me, okay? Freak-in-cage-dot-com.
– Mark

We’ll travel through space… with cool aliens who LIKE us!
– Zoltan

A barn?
– Chester
Is it red?
– Jesse
No.
– Chester
Then it’s not a barn!
– Jesse

Damn! Now those are some big-ass panties.
– Mr. Pizzacoli

You’d better stay away from our boyfriends.
– Wilma
You fake-breasted sluts!
– Wanda

Quick, to my step-dad’s pickup truck!
– Tommy