Elf (2003) quotes
Director
Jon Favreau.
After discovering he is a human, a man raised as an elf at the North Pole decides to travel to New York City to locate his real father.
I think we should call security.
– Walter
Good idea.
– Deb
I like to whisper too!
– Buddy
SON of a NUTcracker!
– Buddy
It’s just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture.
– Buddy
You sit on a throne of lies!
– Buddy
We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.
– Buddy
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.
– Buddy
Who the heck are you?
– Buddy
What are you talkin’ about? I’m Santa Claus.
– Gimbel’s Santa
No, you’re not.
– Buddy
Uh, why of course I am! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
– Gimbel’s Santa
Well, if you’re Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year?
– Buddy
Um, Happy Birthday of course. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. How old are you son?
– Gimbel’s Santa
Four.
– Kid with Santa
You’re a big boy. What’s your name?
– Gimbel’s Santa
Paul.
– Kid with Santa
Now what can I get you for Christmas?
– Gimbel’s Santa
Don’t tell him what you want, he’s a liar.
– Buddy
Let the kid talk.
– Gimbel’s Santa
You disgust me! How can you live with yourself?
– Buddy
Just cool it, Zippy.
– Gimbel’s Santa
You sit on a throne of lies.
– Buddy
Look, I’m not kiddin’.
– Gimbel’s Santa
You’re a fake.
– Buddy
I’m a fake?
– Gimbel’s Santa
Yes!
– Buddy
How’d you like to be dead, huh? Ho, ho, just kidding.
– Gimbel’s Santa
You stink.
– Buddy
I think you’re gonna have a good Christmas, all right.
– Gimbel’s Santa
You smell like beef and cheese, you don’t smell like Santa.
– Buddy
SANTA! OH MY GOD! SANTA’S COMING! I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM!
– Buddy
I thought maybe we could make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands.
– Buddy
Francisco! That’s fun to say! Francisco… Frannncisco… Franciscooo…
– Buddy
We can’t just throw him out in the snow.
– Emily
Why not? He loves the snow. He’s told me 15 times.
– Walter
Watch out, the yellow ones don’t stop!
– Buddy
There’s no singing in the North Pole.
– Gimbel’s Manager
Yes there is.
– Buddy
I’ve been to New York thousands of times.
– Santa
Really?
– Buddy
Mm-hmm.
– Santa
What’s it like?
– Buddy
Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It isn’t free candy.
– Santa
Oh.
– Buddy
Second, there are, like, thirty Ray’s Pizzas. They all claim to be the original. But the real one’s on 11th. And if you see a sign that says “Peep Show”, that doesn’t mean that they’re letting you look at presents before Christmas.
– Santa
Have you seen these toilets? They’re GINORMOUS!
– Buddy
Why were in the women’s locker room?
– Jovie
I heard you singing.
– Buddy
Are you sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was naked?
– Jovie
I didn’t know you were naked.
– Buddy
By the way, don’t eat the yellow snow.
– Leon the Snowman
Oh, I know that.
– Buddy
Why are you smiling like that?
– Gimbel’s Manager
I just like to smile, smiling’s my favorite.
– Buddy
So, Buddy, how’d you sleep?
– Emily
Great! I got a full 40 minutes!
– Buddy
Good news! I saw a dog today!
– Buddy