Ghostbusters (1984) quotes

Three former parapsychology professors set up shop as a unique ghost removal service.

Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
– Dr. Raymond Stantz
They caused an explosion!
– Walter Peck
Is this true?
– Mayor
Yes it’s true.
– Dr. Peter Venkman
This man has no dick.
– Dr. Peter Venkman
Jeez!
– Walter Peck
Break it up! Hey, break this up! Break it up!
– Mayor
All right, all right, all right!
– Walter Peck
Well, that’s what I heard!
– Dr. Peter Venkman

Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?
– Janine Melnitz
Ah, if there’s a steady paycheck in it, I’ll believe anything you say.
– Winston Zeddemore

Are you a God?
– Gozer
No.
– Dr. Raymond Stantz
Then… DIE!
– Gozer
Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god, you say “YES”!
– Winston Zeddemore
All right! This chick is TOAST!
– Dr. Peter Venkman

I want you inside me.
– Dana Barrett
Go ahead! No, I can’t. It sounds like you’ve got at least two or three people in there already.
– Dr. Peter Venkman

This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
– Dr. Peter Venkman
What do you mean, “biblical”?
– Mayor
What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.
– Dr. Raymond Stantz
Exactly.
– Dr. Peter Venkman
Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
– Dr. Raymond Stantz
Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes…
– Dr. Egon Spengler
The dead rising from the grave!
– Winston Zeddemore
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!
– Dr. Peter Venkman
All right, all right! I get the point!
– Mayor

You’re very handy, I can tell. I bet you like to read a lot, too.
– Janine Melnitz
Print is dead.
– Dr. Egon Spengler
Oh, that’s very fascinating to me. I read a lot myself. Some people think I’m too intellectual but I think it’s a fabulous way to spend your spare time. I also play raquetball. Do you have any hobbies?
– Janine Melnitz
I collect spores, molds, and fungus.
– Dr. Egon Spengler

Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities, we didn’t have to produce anything! You’ve never been out of college! You don’t know what it’s like out there! I’ve WORKED in the private sector. They expect *results*.
– Dr. Raymond Stantz

We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
– Dr. Peter Venkman

I love this town!
– Winston Zeddemore

Vinz, you said before you were waiting for a sign. What sign are you waiting for?
– Dr. Egon Spengler
Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!
– Louis

I’ve gotta get this in the clear…!
– Dr. Raymond Stantz
Wait, wait, wait! I’ve always wanted to do this…
– Dr. Peter Venkman
And the flowers are still standing!
– Dr. Peter Venkman

Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god, you say, “yes!”
– Winston Zeddemore

Do you want this body?
– Dana Barrett
Is this a trick question?
– Dr. Peter Venkman

Mother puss bucket!
– Dr. Peter Venkman

Hold it! I want this man arrested! Captain, these men are in criminal violation of the Environmental Protection Act! And this explosion is a direct result of it!
– Walter Peck
YOUR MOTHER!
– Dr. Egon Spengler

Symmetrical book stacking. Just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947.
– Dr. Raymond Stantz
You’re right, no HUMAN BEING would stack books like this.
– Dr. Peter Venkman

I’m Winston Zeddmore, Your Honor. I’ve only been with the company for a couple of weeks, but these things are real. Since I joined these men, I’ve seen shit that’ll turn you white.
– Winston Zeddemore

Generally you don’t see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.
– Dr. Peter Venkman

What are you supposed to be, some kind of a cosmonaut?
– Man at Elevator
No, we’re exterminators. Someone saw a cockroach up on twelve.
– Dr. Peter Venkman
That’s gotta be some cockroach.
– Man at Elevator
Bite your head off, man.
– Dr. Peter Venkman
Going up?
– Dr. Raymond Stantz
I’ll take the next one.
– Man at Elevator

I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us. Mr. Stay Puft!
– Dr. Raymond Stantz
Nice thinkin’, Ray.
– Dr. Peter Venkman

Listen… you smell something?
– Dr. Raymond Stantz

We’ve been going about this all wrong. This Mr. Stay Puft’s okay! He’s a sailor, he’s in New York; we get this guy laid, we won’t have any trouble!
– Dr. Peter Venkman

Ray has gone bye-bye, Egon… what’ve you got left?
– Dr. Peter Venkman
Sorry, Venkman, I’m terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.
– Dr. Egon Spengler

Symmetrical book stacking. Just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947.
– Dr. Raymond Stantz
You’re right, no HUMAN BEING would stack books like this.
– Dr. Peter Venkman

Alice, I’m going to ask you a couple of standard questions, okay? Have you or any of your family been diagnosed schizophrenic? Mentally incompetent?
– Dr. Peter Venkman
My uncle thought he was Saint Jerome.
– Librarian Alice
I’d call that a big yes. Uh, are you habitually using drugs? Stimulants? Alcohol?
– Dr. Peter Venkman
No.
– Librarian Alice
No, no. Just asking. Are you, Alice, menstruating right now?
– Dr. Peter Venkman
What has that got to do with it?
– Library Administrator
Back off, man. I’m a scientist.
– Dr. Peter Venkman

That’s the bedroom, but nothing ever happened in there.
– Dana Barrett
What a crime.
– Dr. Peter Venkman

You know, it just occurred to me that we really haven’t had a successful test of this equipment.
– Dr. Raymond Stantz
I blame myself.
– Dr. Egon Spengler
So do I.
– Dr. Peter Venkman
Well, no sense in worrying about it now.
– Dr. Raymond Stantz
Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.
– Dr. Peter Venkman

If I’m wrong, nothing happens! We go to jail – peacefully, quietly. We’ll enjoy it! But if I’m *right*, and we *can* stop this thing… Lenny, you will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters.
– Dr. Peter Venkman