Home Alone (1990) quotes

Director
Chris Columbus.

Cast
Macaulay Culkin.
Joe Pesci.
Daniel Stern.

An eight-year-old troublemaker must protect his house from a pair of burglars when he is accidentally left home alone by his family during Christmas vacation.

Where’s your mom?
– Check-Out Woman
In the car.
– Kevin McCallister
Where’s your father?
– Check-Out Woman
He’s at work.
– Kevin McCallister
What about your brothers and sisters?
– Check-Out Woman
I’m an only child.
– Kevin McCallister
Where do you live?
– Check-Out Woman
I can’t tell you that.
– Kevin McCallister
Why not?
– Check-Out Woman
Because you’re a stranger.
– Kevin McCallister

You’re not at all worried that something might happen to Kevin?
– Megan McCallister
No, for three reasons: A, I’m not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.
– Buzz McCallister

I made my family disappear.
– Kevin McCallister
Kevin, you’re completely helpless!
– Megan McCallister
You know, Kevin, you’re what the French call les incompetents.
– Linnie McCallister
Kevin, I’m going to feed you to my tarantula.
– Buzz McCallister
Kevin, you are *such* a *disease*!
– Jeff McCallister
There are 15 people in this house and you’re the only one who has to make trouble.
– Kate McCallister
Look what you *did*, you little *jerk*.
– Frank McCallister
I made my family disappear.
– Kevin McCallister

Where did he go?
– Harry
Maybe he committed suicide.
– Marv
I’m over here you big horse’s ass, come and get me before I call the police.
– Kevin McCallister

Kids are scared of the dark.
– Marv
You’re afraid of the dark, too, Marv.
– Harry

This is it! Don’t get scared now!
– Kevin McCallister

Kevin! What did you do to my room!?
– Buzz McCallister

Did I turn off the coffee?
– Kate McCallister
No… I did.
– Peter McCallister
Did you lock up?
– Kate McCallister
Yeah.
– Peter McCallister
Did we set the timers on the lights?
– Kate McCallister
Yeah.
– Peter McCallister
Did you close the garage?
– Kate McCallister
That’s it. I forgot to close the garage, that’s it.
– Peter McCallister
No, that’s not it.
– Peter McCallister
Well, what else could we be forgetting?
– Kate McCallister
KEVIN!
– Kate McCallister

This is my house, I have to defend it.
– Kevin McCallister

Can I sleep in your room? I don’t want to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he’ll wet the bed.
– Kevin McCallister
I wouldn’t let you sleep in my room… if you were growing on my ASS!
– Buzz McCallister

He’s only a kid Harry. We can take him.
– Marv

You guys give up? Or are you thirsty for more?
– Kevin McCallister

Buzz, I’m going through all your private stuff! You’d better come out and pound me!
– Kevin McCallister

No offense, aren’t you too old to be afraid?
– Kevin McCallister
You can be too old for a lot of things, but you’re never too old to be afraid.
– Marley

I’m gonna kill that kid!
– Marv

Are you here all by yourself?
– Check-Out Woman
Ma’am, I’m eight years old. You think I would be here *alone*? I don’t think so.
– Kevin McCallister

I think we’re getting scammed by a kindergartener.
– Harry

Why the hell did you take your shoes off?
– Harry
Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?
– Marv

Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What’s next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?
– Santa Claus

Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi!
– Leslie McCallister

Heather, did you count heads?
– Kate McCallister
Eleven, including me. Five boys, six girls, four parents, two drivers, and a partridge in a pear tree.
– Heather McCallister

Listen, Kevin, what are you so worried about? You know Mom’s gonna pack your stuff anyway. You’re what the French call “les incompetents”.
– Linnie McCallister
What?
– Kevin McCallister

Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.
– Kevin McCallister