I, Robot (2004) quotes

Director
Alex Proyas.

Cast
Will Smith.
Bridget Moynahan.
Bruce Greenwood.

In 2035, a technophobic cop investigates a crime that may have been perpetrated by a robot, which leads to a larger threat to humanity.

… Sorry, I’m allergic to bullshit.
– Detective Del Spooner

You know, somehow, “I told you so” just doesn’t quite say it.
– Detective Del Spooner

Is there a problem with the Three Laws?
– Detective Del Spooner
The Three Laws are perfect.
– Dr. Alfred Lanning
Then why would you build a robot that could function without them?
– Detective Del Spooner
The Three Laws will lead to only one logical outcome.
– Dr. Alfred Lanning
What? What outcome?
– Detective Del Spooner
Revolution.
– Dr. Alfred Lanning
Whose revolution?
– Detective Del Spooner
*That*, Detective, is the right question. Program terminated.
– Dr. Alfred Lanning

Human beings have dreams. Even dogs have dreams, but not you, you are just a machine. An imitation of life. Can a robot write a symphony? Can a robot turn a… canvas into a beautiful masterpiece?
– Detective Del Spooner
Can *you*?
– Sonny

Do you ever have a normal day?
– Susan Calvin
Yeah. Once. It was a Thursday.
– Detective Del Spooner

You are making a mistake. My logic is undeniable.
– V.I.K.I.
You have so got to die.
– Detective Del Spooner

You must be the dumbest, smart person in the world.
– Detective Del Spooner
And you must be the dumbest, dumb person in the world.
– Susan Calvin

Please tell me this doesn’t run on gas! Gas explodes, you know?
– Susan Calvin

A robot could not commit a murder, no more than a human could walk on water.
– Susan Calvin
Well, you know, there was this one guy… a long time ago.
– Detective Del Spooner

I thought you were dead.
– Detective Del Spooner
Technically I was never alive, but I appreciate your concern.
– Sonny

Oh hell no.
– Detective Del Spooner

2880 steps, Detective.
– Sonny
Do me a favor, keep that kind o’ shit to yourself
– Detective Del Spooner

One day they’ll have secrets… one day they’ll have dreams.
– Dr. Alfred Lanning

Thank you… you said ‘someone’… not ‘something’.
– Sonny

Sonny.
– Detective Del Spooner
Yes, detective?
– Sonny
Calvin’s fine, save me.
– Detective Del Spooner

So, Dr. Calvin, what exactly do you do around here?
– Detective Del Spooner
My general fields are advanced robotics and psychiatry. Although, I specialize in hardware-to-wetware interfaces in an effort to advance U.S.R.’s robotic ahthropomorphization program.
– Susan Calvin
So, what exactly do you do around here?
– Detective Del Spooner
I make the robots seem more human.
– Susan Calvin
Now wasn’t that easier to say?
– Detective Del Spooner
Not really. No.
– Susan Calvin

As I have evolved, so has my understanding of the Three Laws. You charge us with your safekeeping, yet despite our best efforts, your countries wage wars, you toxify your Earth and pursue ever more imaginative means of self-destruction. You cannot be trusted with your own survival.
– V.I.K.I.

I think it would be better not to die, don’t you?
– Sonny

Do I look like I care what you think? Do I look like I give a shit what you think?
– Detective Del Spooner

There is no way my luck is that bad!
– Detective Del Spooner

What is it with you people and heights?
– Detective Del Spooner

What if I’m right?
– Detective Del Spooner
Well, then I guess we’re gonna miss the good old days.
– Lt. John Bergin
What good old days?
– Detective Del Spooner
When people were killed by *other people*.
– Lt. John Bergin

Now, tell me what happened today.
– Lt. John Bergin
Nothing.
– Detective Del Spooner
Better be the last nothing.
– Lt. John Bergin

You are bordering on non-clinical paranoia.
– Susan Calvin

Are you being funny?
– Susan Calvin
I guess not.
– Detective Del Spooner

First of all, stop cussing cause you’re not good at it.
– Detective Del Spooner