In Bruges (2008)

Director
Martin McDonagh.

Cast
Colin Farrell.
Brendan Gleeson.
CiarĂ¡n Hinds.

Guilt-stricken after a job gone wrong, hitman Ray and his partner await orders from their ruthless boss in Bruges, Belgium, the last place in the world Ray wants to be.

Harry. Harry! It’s a inanimate fucking object!
– Natalie
You’re an inanimate fuckin’ object!
– Harry

An Uzi? I’m not from South Central Los fucking Angeles. I didn’t come here to shoot twenty black ten year olds in a drive-by. I want a normal gun for a normal person.
– Harry

So he’s having a really nice time?
– Harry
Well, I’m having a really nice time. I’m not sure it’s really his cup of tea.
– Ken
What?
– Harry
You know, I’m not sure it’s really his thing.
– Ken
What do you mean it’s not really his thing? What’s that supposed to mean? It’s not really his thing. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
– Harry
Nothing, Harry.
– Ken
It’s a fairytale town, isn’t it? How’s a fairytale town not somebody’s fucking thing?How can all those canals and bridges and cobbled streets and those churches, all that beautiful fucking fairytale stuff, how can that not be somebody’s fucking thing, eh?
– Harry
What I think I meant to say was…
– Ken
Is the swans still there?
– Harry
Yeah, there’s swans…
– Ken
How can fucking swans not fucking be somebody’s fucking thing, eh? How can that be?
– Harry

One gay beer for my gay friend, one normal beer for me because I am normal.
– Ray

Coming up?
– Ken
What’s up there?
– Ray
The view.
– Ken
The view of what? The view of down here? I can see that down here.
– Ray
Ray, you are about the worst tourist in the whole world.
– Ken
Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn’t, so it doesn’t.
– Ray

Harry, I’ve got an idea.
– Ray
What?
– Harry
My room faces out the canal, right? I’m going to go back to me room, jump into the canal, see if I can swim to the other side and escape.
– Ray
All right.
– Harry
If you go outside around the corner, you can shoot at me from there and try to get me. That way we’ll leave this lady and her baby out of the whole entire thing.
– Ray
You completely promise to jump into the canal? I don’t want to run out there, come back in ten minutes, and find you fucking hiding in a cupboard.
Harry
I completely promise, Harry. I’m not going to risk having another little kid dying on me.
– Ray
So, hang on – I go outside and I go which way? Right or left?
– Harry
You go right, don’t you? You can see it from the doorway! It’s a big fucking canal!
– Ray
All right. Jesus. I only just got here, haven’t I? Okay, on the count of one, two, three, go. Okay?
– Harry
Okay.
– Ray
What? Who says it?
– Ray
Well you say it.
– Harry
You people are crazy.
– Marie

Harry, let’s face it. And I’m not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you’re a cunt. You’re a cunt now, and you’ve always been a cunt. And the only thing that’s going to change is that you’re going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids.
– Ken
Leave my kids fucking out of it! What have they done? You fucking retract that bit about my cunt fucking kids!
– Harry
I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids.
– Ken
Insult my fucking kids? That’s going overboard, mate!
– Harry
I retracted it, didn’t I?
– Ken

There’s a Christmas tree somewhere in London with a bunch of presents underneath it that’ll never be opened. And I thought, if I survive all of this, I’d go to that house, apologize to the mother there, and accept whatever punishment she chose for me. Prison… death… didn’t matter. Because at least in prison and at least in death, you know, I wouldn’t be in fuckin’ Bruges. But then, like a flash, it came to me. And I realized, fuck man, maybe that’s what hell is: the entire rest of eternity spent in fuckin’ Bruges. And I really really hoped I wouldn’t die. I really really hoped I wouldn’t die.
– Ray

You’re a suicide case.
– Ken
And you’re trying to shoot me in the fucking head.
– Ray
You’re not getting that gun back.
– Ken
A great day this has turned out to be. I’m suicidal, me mate tries to kill me, me gun gets nicked and we’re still in fookin’ Bruges!
– Ray

You’ve got to stick to your principles.
– Harry

You from the States?
– Ken
Yeah. But don’t hold it against me.
– Jimmy
I’ll try not to… Just try not to say anything too loud or crass.
– Ken

Maybe that’s what hell is, the entire rest of eternity spent in fucking Bruges.
– Ray

See, Ken, this is the kind of hotel Harry should have put us in. A five-star, with prostitutes in it.
– Ray

I’m sorry for calling you an inanimate object. I was upset.
– Harry

I know I’m awake but it feels like I’m in a dream.
– Ken

Where’s my gun?
– Ray
I’m gonna die now, I think.
– Ken