Napoleon Dynamite (2004) quotes

Director
Jared Hess.

Cast
Jon Heder.
Efren Ramirez.
Jon Gries.

A listless and alienated teenager decides to help his new friend win the class presidency in their small western high school, while he must deal with his bizarre family life back home.

Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!… Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD!
– Napoleon Dynamite

Gosh!
– Napoleon Dynamite

Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?
– Don
I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!
– Napoleon Dynamite
Did you shoot any?
– Don
Yes, like 50 of ’em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?
– Napoleon Dynamite
What kind of gun did you use?
– Don
A freakin’ 12-gauge, what do you think?
– Napoleon Dynamite

Well, what is there to eat?
– Napoleon Dynamite
Knock it off, Napoleon! Just make yourself a dang quesa-dilluh!
– Grandma

Do the chickens have large talons?
– Napoleon Dynamite
Do they have what?
– Farmer
Large talons.
– Napoleon Dynamite
I don’t understand a word you just said.
– Farmer

How was school?
– Grandma
The worst day of my life, what do you think?
– Napoleon Dynamite

I’m trying to earn money for college.
– Deb
Your mom goes to college.
– Kip

I see you’re drinking 1%. Is that ’cause you think you’re fat? ‘Cause you’re not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.
– Napoleon Dynamite

Vote for me, and all your wildest dreams will come true.
– Pedro

What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?
– Kid on Bus
Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh!
– Napoleon Dynamite

What about your girlfriend?
– Uncle Rico
Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day so I guess you could say things are gettin’ pretty serious.
– Kip

What the flip was Grandma doing at the sand dunes?
– Napoleon Dynamite

What are you drawing?
– Deb
A liger.
– Napoleon Dynamite
What’s a liger?
– Deb
It’s pretty much my favorite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed… bred for its skills in magic.
– Napoleon Dynamite

You know, there’s like a boat-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I’m pretty good with a bo staff.
– Napoleon Dynamite

Do you think people will vote for me?
– Pedro
Heck yes! I’d vote for you.
– Napoleon Dynamite
Like what are my skills?
– Pedro
Well, you have a sweet bike. And you’re really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you’re like the only guy at school who has a mustache.
– Napoleon Dynamite

What are you doing here, Uncle Rico?
– Napoleon Dynamite
Grandma took a little spill at the sand dunes today. Broke her coccyx.
– Uncle Rico

Over there in that pigpen, I found a couple of Shoshoni arrowheads.
– Lyle

Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can’t fit my numchucks in there anymore.
– Napoleon Dynamite