Overboard (1987) quotes

Director
Garry Marshall.

Cast
Goldie Hawn.
Kurt Russell.
Edward Herrmann.

A cruel but beautiful heiress mocks and cheats a hired carpenter. When she gets amnesia after an accident, he decides to introduce her to regular life by convincing her they’re husband and wife.

I’m a short, fat slut.
– Annie

Mrs. Burbridge, would you come over here for a moment? Has it escaped your attention that these children have head-to-toe poison oak?
– Annie
Well, no, I… well, yes, but…
– Adele Burbridge
But what? My children are in need of medical assistance! And you can sit here and smugly lecture me on the importance of tests? Tests which exist to pigeonhole children’s potential, a thing which cannot possibly be measured, least of all by anal-compulsive huns! And my husband may be a “large child,” but that’s none of your business! And my children may be rotten, but they’re mine. And I think that they’re bright, and sensitive, so I have no doubts whatsoever about their intelligence. I do, however, have serious doubts about yours!
– Annie

We’re at sea, and I’m a GOD at sea!
– Grant Stayton

You know what your problem is? Huh? You’re so goddamn bored, you gotta invent things to bitch about! You haven’t got a single thing to do on this earth except for your hair! Yeah, your closet was fine, you just needed something to take up your useless, nail-polishing, toe-polishing, rich bitch, sun-tanning days!
– Dean Proffitt

Tell me something about my life, Dean, something not horrible.
– Annie
Well uh… yeah, there was that time you were working at Burger Boy, and this kid started choking on a French fry, and everybody in the place panicked, including me, except you, you knew exactly what to do. You ran over to the kid and you gave him that Heimlech, you know.
– Dean Proffitt
[grunts] And puh! The kid puked up the fry and they named you Burger Boy employee of the month. They put your picture above the cash register and everything.
– Dean Proffitt

I don’t belong here, I feel it. Don’t you think I feel it? I can’t do any of these vile things, and I wouldn’t want to. Oh, my life is like death. My children are the spawn of hell, and you’re the devil. Oh, God…
– Annie
Baby, we like you.
– Dean Proffitt

Oh, a washing machine! But Dean, it’s so expensive.
– Annie
No, shit!
– Dean Proffitt

But darling, if you have a baby, you won’t be the baby anymore.
– Edith Mintz

It’s a helluva day at sea, Sir!
– Coast Guard Spotter Lucas

They’re making out their Christmas lists
– Dean Proffitt
Oh, already?
– Annie
How do you spell “Porsche”?
– Travis Proffitt
Well, they got me thinkin’ though: what can I possibly give you ever that you don’t already have?
– Dean Proffitt
A little girl.
– Annie

It’s not us, Dad, it’s Roy.
– Travis Proffitt

I just… ate a bug!
– Annie
Keep your mouth closed, there’s a lot of things flying around out here!
– Dean Proffitt

You’re overwrought, Grant. I want you to take a Valium. Here, take one of mine.
– Dr. Norman Korman

Thank you Dean! Thank you for bringing me here and making a wife, and a mother and WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
– Joanna

I speak French! Do I know what I said? Yes I do. I must’ve learned in Paris. When was I in Paris? In the Navy.
– Annie

Back in the day he was known as Mean Dean Proffitt and me I was Bad Billy Pratt.
– Billy Pratt

Do we have a straight jacket on board?
– Grant Stayton
I always carry one, yes.
– Dr. Norman Korman

Are we gonna trade her in for a new mom?
– Travis Proffitt
Not if we don’t blow it!
– Dean Proffitt