Shanghai Noon (2000) quotes
Director
Tom Dey.
Cast
Jackie Chan.
Owen Wilson.
Lucy Liu.
A Chinese man travels to the Wild West to rescue a kidnapped princess. After teaming up with a train robber, the unlikely duo takes on a Chinese traitor and his corrupt boss.
The Shanghai Kid. This is terrible!
– Roy O’Bannon
I know. I’m not from Shanghai.
– Chon Wang
Mighty impressive hardware you packin’ there…
– Marshal Nathan Van Cleef
Why don’t you get your eyes of my package, you twisted son of a bitch!
– Roy O’Bannon
Ooooh… who’s the pretty lady?
– Roy O’Bannon
That’s my wife!
– Chon Wang
How long you been in this country?
– Roy O’Bannon
Four days.
– Chon Wang
Nice work.
– Roy O’Bannon
C’mon Roy, you can do it! Ah, no you can’t, he’s gonna kill ya.
– Roy O’Bannon
We stick together. We are partners.
– Chon Wang
That’s beautiful.
– Roy O’Bannon
Don’t worry, it could be worse – he could be a white guy.
– Medicine Man
I am invincible…
– Roy O’Bannon
Hi, horsey!
– Chon Wang
See! I told you so!
– Chon Wang
No, you said “wet shirt don’t break,” not “piss shirt bend bar”!
– Roy O’Bannon
If people start looking at you funny then just say, “Howdy, partner.”
– Roy O’Bannon
…Howdy… partner?
– Chon Wang
Say it a little faster than that or people’ll think you’re slow in the head.
– Roy O’Bannon
I don’t know karate, but I know kar-azy, and I will use it!
– Roy O’Bannon
How about that? It’s a Mexican standoff. Only we ain’t got no Mexicans.
– Marshal Nathan Van Cleef
I got an idea: why don’t I pretend I’m sick, and then you can attack the guard when they come in?
– Chon Wang
Oh, you mean the sick prisoner routine? Does that still work in China? ‘Cause here it’s sorta been done to death.
– Roy O’Bannon
Alright, pay attention because I don’t want any mistakes.
– Roy O’Bannon
I’ve calculated the speed of the train and the speed of our horses. We meet at this vector; the only variable is the wind. Technically, if you travel…
– Roy O’Bannon
Is this the train?
– Blue
Alright, we’re just gonna wing it.
– Roy O’Bannon
He took the gold.
– Chon Wang
Is that all you care about, the gold? Shame on you.
– Roy O’Bannon
Holy crap, the vultures are eating my head!
– Roy O’Bannon
Reach for the sky ladies and gentle…
– Roy O’Bannon
Touch that gun and I’ll blow your goddamn head off!
– Wallace
What are you doing? No, no, I sorta like to be the only guy that talks, alright?
– Roy O’Bannon
Okay, sorry.
– Wallace
Why’s the new guy talking? Where did you get this guy? I’m the only one who talks!
– Roy O’Bannon
Come on. We’re men, we’re not pinatas!
– Roy O’Bannon
You gotta be able to laugh at stuff like that. Like me in the desert. I don’t hold any grudges; I laugh about it. I’m not angry at you. You just left me there with chopsticks to die. Roy, all by his lonesome, just me and the buzzards, pickin’ at my head… You’re a very silent man, aren’t you?
– Roy O’Bannon
Never touch my queue.
– Chon Wang
Father, is this my husband-to-be? He’s a toad. If the Emperor is so fond of him, why doesn’t he marry him?
– Princess Pei Pei
These guns are really weird.
– Roy O’Bannon
This is the West, not the East. The sun may rise where we come from… but here is where it sets.
– Chon Wang
I was just winging it!
– Wallace
What? No! That’s not how we wing it! You’ve lost your ‘winging it’ privileges!
– Roy O’Bannon
Why don’t you turn and face me like a man?
– Marshal Nathan Van Cleef
Why don’t you do it your way and I’ll do it my way?
– Roy O’Bannon