Shrek 2 (2004) quotes
Directors
Andrew Adamson, Kelly Asbury, Conrad Vernon.
Princess Fiona’s parents invite her and Shrek to dinner to celebrate her marriage. If only they knew the newlyweds were both ogres.
I don’t *feel* any different. Do I look any different?
– Donkey
You still look like an ass to me.
– Puss-in-Boots
Quick, tell a lie!
– Shrek
What should I say?
– Pinocchio
Say something crazy, like, “I’m wearing ladies underwear!”
– Donkey
I’m wearing ladies underwear.
– Pinocchio
Are you?
– Shrek
I most certainly am not!
– Pinocchio
It looks like you most certainly am are!
– Donkey
I am not!
– Pinocchio
What kind?
– Puss-in-Boots
IT’S A THONG!
– Gingerbread Man
Oh, Shrek. Don’t worry. Things just seem bad because it’s dark and rainy and Fiona’s father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
– Donkey
Donkey, think of the saddest thing that’s ever happened to you.
– Shrek
Oh, man! Where do I begin? First there was the time the farmer traded me for some magic beans. I ain’t never gotten over that. Then this fool went off and had a party, and they all starting trying to pin a tail on me. Then they all got drunk, and started hitting me with sticks, yelling “Piñata! Piñata!” What is a piñata, anyway?
– Donkey
I hate Mondays.
– Puss-in-Boots
I don’t wanna die! I don’t wanna DIE! Oh, sweet sister mother of mercy! I’m melting! I’M MEEELTIIING!
– Donkey
It’s just the rain, Donkey.
– Shrek
Stop, ogre! I have misjudged you.
– Puss-in-Boots
Join the club. We got jackets.
– Shrek
You got a puppy? All I got in my room was shampoo.
– Donkey
Shrek and I drank this potion and well, now… we’re sexy!
– Donkey
Catnip…
– Captain of the Guards
That’s, uh, not mine…
– Puss-in-Boots
Are we there yet?
– Donkey
Aaaaaaw.
– Donkey
Hey? You still look like a noble steed to me.
– Shrek
I’m a real boy!
– Pinocchio
What about my Miranda rights? You’re supposed to say, “You have the right to remain silent.” Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!
– Donkey
Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.
– Shrek
I must hold on before I, too, go totally mad.
– Puss-in-Boots
Shrek? Donkey?
– Gingerbread Man
Too late.
– Puss-in-Boots
Shrek?
– Princess Fiona
For you, baby, I could be.
– Puss-in-Boots
I mean, how good looking could this Prince Charming guy be anyway?
– Donkey
Are you kiddin’? He’s gorgeous! His face looks like it was carved by angels.
– The Ugly Stepsister
Hmmm… he sounds dreamy.
– Puss-in-Boots
The kingdom of FAR FAR Away, Donkey? That’s where we’re going! FAR, FAR away!
– Shrek
Uh… FYI. Not my fault!
– Prince Charming
IT’S ALIVE!
– Gingerbread Man