Sliding Doors (1998) quotes

Director
Peter Howitt.

Cast
Gwyneth Paltrow.
John Hannah.
John Lynch.

A London woman’s love life and career both hinge, unknown to her, on whether or not she catches a train. We see it both ways, in parallel.

Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say.
– James
“Always look on the bright side of life”?
– Helen
No, “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.”
– James

Everybody’s born knowing all the Beatles lyrics instinctively. They’re passed into the fetus subconsciously along with all the amniotic stuff. Fact, they should be called “The Fetals”.
– James

What are you doing two weeks on Saturday?
– James
Probably killing myself.
– Helen
Excellent. What time does that finish? Do you like boats?
– James

Gerry, I’m a woman! We don’t say what we WANT! But we reserve the right to get pissed off if we don’t get it. That’s what makes us so fascinating! And not a little bit scary.
– Lydia

I kissed you.
– Helen
Yeah, I spotted that too.
– James

I must say, being friends with you certainly makes the wait for the next episode of “Seinfeld” much easier to bear.
– Russell

For God’s sake, Gerry. I asked you a simple question; there is no need for you to become Woody Allen.
– Helen

Look, James. Maybe I shouldn’t be here. I’m sorry, I’m not being fair. You know, under normal circumstances, etcetera… You’re really nice – and funny. My friend Anna thinks you’re cute…
– Helen
Wait. Wait! Your friend Anna thinks I’m cute? Your friend ANNA thinks I’m cute? Shit, I just blew – wait
– James
two eighty-five on the wrong girl!
– James

Come on! If you don’t drink your fatty drinks, you’ll never really achieve quality cellulite.
– James

You want my opinion?
– Russell
Will I like it?
– Gerry
Well, of course not! It’ll be based in reality.
– Russell

I come home and catch you up to your nuts in Lady Shagging Godiva!
– Helen

I-I’m not – I’m not very good at – at, you know…
– Helen
Constructing sentences?
– James

There’s loads of them… having some sort of sponsored epileptic fit!
– Gerry

Everything happens for the best. You’ll never know if you don’t try.
– James

Hey, gorgeous. What do you do when you’re not serving up mad cow burgers in here, eh?
– Cheeky Bloke
Well, now, then, let me see. I get up at about 7:30AM making and delivering sandwiches in the West End during the day before I come here about 6 o’clock and finish at midnight. After that, if I’ve got any energy left, I give my boyfriend a blow job.
– Helen
Would you like some mayonnaise with that?
– Helen

You wanker. You sad, sad wanker.
– Helen

Are you okay?
– Anna
Yes, just going quietly mad.
– Helen
Thank goodness for that. I was worried.
– Anna

Who’s there?
– Lydia
It’s Helen, actually. We met once, I interrupted you faking your orgasm. Sorry I can’t be more specific.
– Helen

You’ve been talking to yourself in the mirror again, haven’t you?
– Russell

Hands up if you drank too much, eh?
– James
Hey, I’m not as drunk as thinkle peep I am.
– Helen
Put a wick in her mouth and she’d burn for a fortnight.
– Anna

I just thought of a great ending for your book… THE END.
– Lydia