The Man Who Would Be King (1975) quotes
Two British former soldiers decide to set themselves up as Kings in Kafiristan, a land where no white man has set foot since Alexander the Great.
He wants to know if you are gods.
– Billy Fish
Not gods – Englishmen. The next best thing.
– Peachy Carnehan
Peachy, I’m heartily ashamed for gettin’ you killed instead of going home rich like you deserved to, on account of me bein’ so bleedin’ high and bloody mighty. Can you forgive me?
– Daniel Dravot
That I can and that I do, Danny, free and full and without let or hindrance.
– Peachy Carnehan
Everything’s all right then.
– Daniel Dravot
God’s holy trousers!
– Daniel Dravot, Peachy Carnehan
It took him half an hour to fall.
– Peachy Carnehan
Now listen to me you benighted muckers. We’re going to teach you soldiering. The world’s noblest profession. When we’re done with you, you’ll be able to slaughter your enemies like civilized men.
– Daniel Dravot
They’re savages here, one and all. Leave ’em to go back to slaughterin’ babes, and playin’ stickball with each other’s heads, and pissin’ on their neighbors.
– Peachy Carnehan
The more tribes, the more they’ll fight, and the better for us.
– Daniel Dravot
Danny, let us seek safety on the battlefield.
– Peachy Carnehan
You mean he’s piled up a fortune of sixty cows out of her infidelities?
– Danny
And thirty-two goats.
– Billy Fish
She ain’t a wife, she’s a going concern!
– Danny
Pardon me while I fall down laughing. HA, HA, HA.
– Peachy Carnehan
Just looking, Peachy. There’s such a thing as admiring beauty for its own sake.
– Daniel Dravot
Being only human, one thing leads to another.
– Peachy Carnehan
The slut bit me!
– Daniel Dravot
Danny’s only a man. But he break wind at both ends simultaneous – which is more, I reckon, than any god can do.
– Peachy Carnehan
Enemies all around. The Bashkari are the worst. Whole town comes out, and pisses downstream when we go bathing.
– Billy Fish
Shocking!
– Peachy Carnehan
It would have been wiser if you’d both gone home at the end of your army service.
– District Commissioner
Home to what? A porters uniform outside a restaurant, attainin’ tips from belching civilians for closing cab doors on them and their blowsy women?
– Peachy Carnehan
Not for us, thank you. Not after watching Afghans come howling down out of the hills and taking battlefield command when all the officers had copped it.
– Daniel Dravot
Well said, Brother Dravot.
– Peachy Carnehan
You have our permission to bugger off!
– Daniel Dravot
You mortals wait down there!
– Danny
I oft times tell Ootah about Englishmens. How they give names to dogs and take off hats to womans, and march into battle, left – right, left -right with rifles on their shoulders.
– Billy Fish
Bringing enlightenment to the darker regions of the Earth.
– Daniel Dravot
I have urgent business to the South.
– Peachy Carnehan
You are going to become soldiers. A soldier does not think. He only obeys. Do you really think that if a soldier thought twice he’d give his life for queen and country? Not bloody likely.
– Daniel Dravot
Now, the problem is, how to divide five Afghans from three mules and have two Englishmen left over.
– Peachy Carnehan
Keep looking at me. It helps to keep my soul from flying off.
– Peachy Carnehan
Do they always use such a big ball?
– Peachy Carnehan
Depend on size of man’s head. Big head, big ball, small head, small ball. That Bashki man. Oh big damn head.
– Billy Fish