There's Something About Mary (1998) quotes
Directors
Bobby Farrelly, Peter Farrelly.
Cast
Cameron Diaz.
Matt Dillon.
Ben Stiller.
A man gets a chance to meet up with his dream girl from high school, even though his date with her back then was a complete disaster.
Really, it’s only a side thing for my true passion.
– Pat Healy
And what’s that?
– Mary
I work with retards.
– Pat Healy
Isn’t that a little politically incorrect?
– Mary
Yeah, maybe, but hell, no one’s gonna tell me who I can and can’t work with.
– Pat Healy
Oh man! How’d you get the beans above the frank?
– Mary’s Step-Father
Japan? What’s she doing in Japan?
– Ted
Well, you’ve heard of mail-order brides? Well, they go that way too.
– Pat Healy
What, are they desperate? She’s a whale!
– Ted
You can’t forget, it’s a sumo culture, Ted. They pay by the pound over there. Sorta like, um, tuna.
– Pat Healy
Is it the frank or the beans?
– Charlie Jensen
I don’t know, both I guess.
– Ted
Franks and Beans! Franks and Beans!
– Warren
Who needs him? I’ve got a vibrator!
– Mary
Boy, don’t make me open up a can of whoop-ass!
– Mary’s Step-Father
I never told you that.
– Ted
Well Christ, Ted, I was only four towns away.
– Dom
Really? Where would I have seen your work?
– Norm
Well, have you been to, uh well, let me see… Santiago, Chile?
– Pat Healy
Twice last year. Which building’s yours?
– Norm
Are you familiar with the soccer stadium?
– Pat Healy
Did you build the Estadio Olimpico?
– Norm
No, just down the street the Celinto Catayente Towers. It’s quite a fine example, in fact. I recommend that next time you’re up that way that you drop in and take a gander at it yourself.
– Pat Healy
Have you seen my baseball?
– Warren
Is that… is that hair gel?
– Mary
What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?
– Pat Healy
I’m in town to play the Dolphins, you dumb ass.
– Brett Favre
What, you think yer shit don’t stink?
– Pat Healy
No, I don’t think, I mean, yes it does, no I don’t…
– Ted
You’ve been to Nepal?
– Mary
Not in months, I don’t know why I bought the damn place.
– Pat Healy
You choke the chicken before any big date, don’t you? Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date. Oh my God, he doesn’t flog the dolphin before a big date. Are you crazy? That’s like going out there with a loaded gun! Of course that’s why you’re nervous. Oh my dear friend, please sit, please. Look, um, after you’ve had sex with a girl, and you’re lying in bed with her, are you nervous? No, you’re not, why?
– Dom
Cause I’m tired…
– Ted
Wrong! It’s ’cause you ain’t got the baby batter on the brain anymore! Jesus, that stuff will fuck you’re head up! Look, the most honest moment in a man’s life are the few minutes after he’s blown his load – now that is a medical fact. And the reason for it is that you’re no longer trying to get laid, you’re actually… you’re thinking like a girl, and girls love that.
– Dom
I had my window?
– Ted