Waiting... (2005) quotes
Director
Rob McKittrick.
Cast
Ryan Reynolds.
Anna Faris.
Justin Long.
Young employees at Shenaniganz restaurant collectively stave off boredom and adulthood with their antics.
We need to seize the day. Be enthusiastic.
– Dan
Yeah! Carpe deez nuts! God I can’t wait to quit this job!
– Floyd
[using a Forrest Gump voice] Momma said they’s my magic shoes. Mama said they would take me anywhere. ‘Course Mama used to beat me with a rubber hose and call me a retard.
– Monty
Hey there, Natasha, how’s my favorite minor doing today?
– Monty
Hung over, I got so shit faced last night.
– Natasha
On a school night? Kids today.
– Monty
Like that bitch needs to be eating dessert anyway.
– Naomi
Naomi… You know, if you ever want counseling in anger management or… alcoholism, I’d be more than glad to do it for you.
– Bishop
You’d do that for me? Thank you, I appreciate that. But I think I’d rather you just wash the fucking dishes and and shut the fuck up! Fucking psychobabble-bullshit asshole!
– Naomi
I’ll have a shot of whiskey and a double shot of whiskey. She’ll have a water. Ah, hell, it’s our anniversay. Why don’t you bring her a Pepsi.
– Redneck
I hate this fucking place sometimes, you know. Why the fuck do we need four more people on at this time of day, man? Look at this place, it’s fucking dead! I swear, Dan needs to clean the *shit* out of his fucking brain sometimes, man. Fucking asshole. What are you looking at, fuck-wad?
– Naomi
You can’t forget this, all right? You got to call them a fag, okay? The game loses all its meaning if you don’t humiliate them for being a fucking meat gazer, you got that?
– Raddimus
I know what you’re thinking now. You think we’re all gay, don’t you? Think we’re all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right?
– Monty
Yeah.
– Mitch
Well, listen. You can put that faggoty baby to bed right now. None of the guys that work here are gay.
– Monty
I mean, I’ll stick my finger up my ass every now and again when I’m feeling squirrely, but that’s about the extent of it.
– Monty
You know, we should probably feel guilty, but she broke the cardinal rule: Don’t fuck with people that handle your food.
– Monty
So, when things in your life become stagnant – you know, you’re no longer happy with what you’re doing – then you figure out what’s important to you. Then create your own penis-showing game.
– Bishop
Welcome to Thunderdome, Bitch.
– Floyd
With women, there are really only two options. Either she doesn’t sleep with you and there’s really no reason to ever call her again. Or she does sleep with you… and there’s really no reason to ever call her again.
– Monty
Come on guys, this is bull crap. Where the hell’s my chicken sandwich?
– Calvin
Fuck you, bitch!
– Floyd
What the hell did I do to you, Floyd?
– Calvin
Eat at Shenaniganz, Enjoy your food. Eat at Shenaniganz, Calvin works here!
– Floyd
Oh, that’s hardly sanitary.
– Calvin
So, what do you think of Natasha?
– Monty
I think she’s illegal.
– Dean
Yeah, I’ve made peace with that. Seriously, look at her. You know she has that Scooby-Doo tongue.
– Monty
[imitating Scooby-Doo] Ratutory rape.
– Dean
A little floor spice makes everything nice, there you go.
– Raddimus
Excuse me, sir. You forgot your change.
– Dean
No, that’s for you, that’s your tip.
– Redneck
Oh, no, no, no, I insist. You take it. You obviously need this more than I do.
– Dean
Take whatever advice that she gives you with a big grain of salt.
– Monty
Yeah and take anything that he gives you with a shot of penicillin.
– Serena
Well, Alzheimer’s can’t be all bad. You get to meet new people every day.
– Monty
That’s Naomi. And she’s been working here WAY too long. But she’s actually a pretty sweet girl… when she’s drunk.
– Monty
We have our first official beyotch of the day!
– Monty
Ma’am, I don’t doubt the steak was over-cooked, but did you have to eat it all before you complained about it?
– Dan
Did you see the tits at table 12?
– Monty
Correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t I been inside you?
– Monty
Nick, T-Dog. You guys are so one dimensional.
– Bishop
Well fuck you, Whitey.
– T-Dog
What the hell can you do with an A. A. degree anyway?
– Dean
You can get a job substituting retarded kids or something.
– Monty
So are you going to talk to her or are you just gonna hope you’re never forced to make an actual decision?
– Monty
I’m going with option B.
– Dean
That’s my boy.
– Monty
There are few things in this world more unsettling than going in the back to grab some condiments and end up staring at a huge, steaming pile of cock.
– Monty
Psychosomatic auditory hallucinations. Most people have to pay for such a thing.
– Bishop
You guys suck.
– Calvin
Yes… we do.
– Monty
Come on, baby. It’s nothin’ like that.
– Raddimus
It’s true. You just treat me like a piece of meat.
– Danielle
Not just any piece of meat, baby. A prime rib.
– Raddimus
Have you talked to him about it?
– Serena
No, I’m playing hard to get.
– Amy
Oh, but haven’t you slept with him like the past five nights?
– Serena
Well, not *real* hard to get.
– Amy
The difference between ordinary and extraordinary, is that little extra.
– Dan
Take a look at the bat wing, Bitch.
– Calvin
Oh, it’s so veiny.
– Raddimus
Ahh, you know Tyla, everytime I look at you I wish I was a lesbian.
– Monty
Oh what a coincidence. Everytime I look at you I’m glad I’m a lesbian.
– Tyla
Mitch, you picked a fucked up night to start working here.
– Monty
So you’re the coolest guy at ShenaniganZ, big fucking deal! That’s like being the smartest person with Down Syndrome!
– Mitch
Women troubles Amy?
– Monty
I just don’t understand what would compel a person to be such a bitch to a total stranger!
– Amy
Maybe she was abused when she was a child.
– Monty
Oh God, I fucking hope so.
– Amy
Everyone knows that I’m orally fixated and you can’t deny that I played your vagina like a violin!
– Monty
As if that somehow negates the fact that once we moved past foreplay you turned into the little engine that couldn’t hold it’s load?
– Serena