What About Bob? (1991) quotes

Director
Frank Oz.

Cast
Bill Murray.
Richard Dreyfuss.
Julie Hagerty.

A successful psychotherapist loses his mind after one of his most dependent patients, an obsessive-compulsive neurotic, tracks him down during his family vacation.

You think he’s gone? He’s not gone. That’s the whole point! He’s never gone!
– Dr. Leo Marvin
Is this some radical new therapy?
– Bob Wiley
YOU SEE?
– Dr. Leo Marvin

Are you married?
– Dr. Leo Marvin
I’m divorced.
– Bob Wiley
Would you like to talk about that?
– Dr. Leo Marvin
There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don’t. My ex-wife loves him.
– Bob Wiley
I see. So, what you’re saying is that even though you are an almost-paralyzed, multiphobic personality who is in a constant state of panic, your wife did not leave you, you left her because she… liked Neil Diamond?
– Dr. Leo Marvin

What are we doing?
– Bob Wiley
Death Therapy, Bob. It’s a guaranteed cure.
– Dr. Leo Marvin

It reminds me of my favorite poem, which is, “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic… and so am I!”
– Bob Wiley

I want some peace and quiet!
– Dr. Leo Marvin
Well, I’ll be quiet.
– Bob Wiley
I’ll be peace!
– Siggy

Well, I get dizzy spells, nausea, cold sweats, hot sweats, fever blisters, difficulty breathing, difficulty swallowing, blurred vision, involuntary trembling, dead hands, numb lips, fingernail sensitivity, pelvic discomfort.
– Bob Wiley
So the real question is, what is the crisis, Bob? What is it you’re truly afraid of?
– Dr. Leo Marvin
What if my heart stops beating? What if I’m looking for a bathroom, I can’t find it, and… my bladder explodes?
– Bob Wiley

You ever hear of Tourette’s syndrome? Involuntarily shouting profanity?
– Bob Wiley
It’s exceptionally rare.
– Dr. Leo Marvin
Shit-eating son-of-a-bitch! Bastard, douche-bag, twat, numb-nuts, dickhead, BITCH!
– Bob Wiley
Why exactly are you doing this?
– Dr. Leo Marvin
If I fake it, then I don’t have it.
– Bob Wiley

It was an interesting morning, fruitful. But it lacked the intensity that you and I generate together, the sparks that we get one-on-one. We just gotta figure out a way to work around your schedule. Could we work afternoons? Two to four? Three to five? Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday?
– Bob Wiley
AHHHHHH!
– Dr. Leo Marvin
Are you saying you’d rather work mornings?
– Bob Wiley
GET OUTTA THE CAR!
– Dr. Leo Marvin

This is black powder, Bob. One teaspoon of this stuff can blow up a tree stump. There we go!
– Dr. Leo Marvin
And, how much is this?
– Bob Wiley
Twenty pounds worth.
– Dr. Leo Marvin

I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful… I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful… I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful…
– Bob Wiley

The doctor draws two circles and says “What do you see?” the guy says “Sex.”
– Bob Wiley
Wait a minute, I haven’t even told the joke yet! So the doctor draws trees, “What do you see?” the guy says “sex”. The doctor draws a car, owl, “Sex, sex, sex”. The doctor says to him “You are obsessed with sex”, he replies “Well you’re the one drawing all the dirty pictures!”
– Bob Wiley

On Wednesday we’ll eat Gil… on Thursday we’ll eat Bob! Ha ha ha, no no no, that’s going too far.
– Dr. Leo Marvin

Why are you always wearing black? What is it with you and this death fixation?
– Dr. Leo Marvin
Maybe I’m in mourning for my lost childhood.
– Siggy

You understand, don’t you? There’s no other solution. You won’t go away.
– Dr. Leo Marvin
I will.
– Bob Wiley
No, you won’t. You’re just *saying* you will! But then, after I don’t kill you, you’ll show up again. And you’ll do something else to make everyone in my life think you are wonderful and I’m a schmuck. But I’m not a schmuck, Bob, and I’m not going to let you breeze into town and take my family away from me, just because you’re crazy enough to be *fun*.
– Dr. Leo Marvin

Bob, privately conversing with the Marvin family on front porch about Dr. Marvin. “We can’t be expected to understand him. He is so far above us. We are like ropes on the Goodyear Blimp.”
– Bob Wiley

Isn’t this a breakthrough, that I’m a sailor? I sail? I sail now?
– Bob Wiley
Keep sailing, Bob!
– Dr. Leo Marvin

Hello, Dr. Marvin. The house looks good.
– Mr. Guttman
Burn in hell, Dr. Marvin!
– Mrs. Guttman

Baby step to four o’clock. Baby step to four o’clock.
– Bob Wiley

I mean, my Dad just dropped me in the water, without warning me first. I mean, I nearly drowned! My whole life flashed before my eyes!
– Siggy
Wow, you’re lucky you’re only twelve.
– Bob Wiley
It was still grim.
– Siggy

You do understand, Bob, don’t you? There’s no other solution. You won’t go away.
– Dr. Leo Marvin
Oh, yes I will.
– Bob Wiley

Excuse me, Phil, but with these particular symptoms, is Prozac the right choice?
– Bob Wiley
You think Prozac is a mistake?
Lily Marvin
Well, with this kind of manic episode, I would think Librium might be a more effective management tool.
– Bob Wiley
You could be right. I’ll rewrite the prescription.
– Phil

What if I’m looking for a bathroom, I can’t find one, and my bladder explodes?
– Bob Wiley