Wrongfully Accused (1998) quotes
Director
Pat Proft.
Cast
Leslie Nielsen.
Richard Crenna.
Kelly LeBrock.
Ryan Harrison is framed for murder and must prove himself innocent by finding a mysterious one-eyed, one-armed, one-legged man after escaping from a bus accident on the way to jail.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say may be held against you. One nation, indivisible, till death do us part.
– Lt. Fergus Falls
You see, I think she’s my sister.
– Cass Lake
Sister?
– Ryan Harrison
It’s like a brother, only you do each other’s hair.
– Cass Lake
Your dog sure has a surprised look on his face.
– Ryan Harrison
That’s because you’re looking at his butt.
– Lauren
Uh, then he’s certainly not going to enjoy that treat I just fed to him.
– Ryan Harrison
This has more twists and turns than Chubby Checker in a blender.
– Lt. Fergus Falls
There are two things that frost my butt: It’s a snow cone about that high, and the other one is Ryan Harrison.
– Lt. Fergus Falls
Your lies are like bananas. They come in big yellow bunches.
– Ryan Harrison
Cass Lake.
– Cass Lake
No, Ryan Harrison. You’re mixing me up with some woman.
– Ryan Harrison
We’re six floors up. No-one can see you.
– Cass Lake
Hey, Cass. Who’s your new friend?
– Off-screen voice
Don’t move. I’ve got a gun. Not here, but I got one.
– Ryan Harrison
Guilt or innocence, that’s not my job. It’s my duty to pick up scum-sucking punks like yourself who are accused of a crime. A jury of twelve really stupid people who are easily swayed by rich, fat-cat, slimy lawyers, who’ll do anything but tell the truth, will sit in judgment of you. It’s as American as a burrito.
– Lt. Fergus Falls
Ryan and I were having sex! Hot steamy, sweaty sex! My body tingled orgasm after orgasm…
– Lauren
Lady, I just asked for your name.
– Sgt. Orono
Oh… Mrs. Hibbing Goodhue.
– Lauren
Sit down, Pancakes. Of all the women in all the world, you had to walk into mine.
– Ryan Harrison
I’m sure if we just talk all night, we can work this out.
– Cass Lake
Sure, Slappy. Let’s pull out that wad of cotton and get right to the aspirin. You hired a hit man. You wanted Hibbing dead. I saw the two of you arguing. And you were sizzling like a wiener on a hibachi.
– Ryan Harrison
We can go away right now. I pack light. Everything we need is right here in my pants.
– Ryan Harrison
My head is spinning like a dreidel in a sandstorm.
– Ryan Harrison
Women and me are like water and fire: wet and flammable.
– Ryan Harrison
I’ve never missed one of your concerts. Hibbing, however, wasn’t at Friday’s.
– Lauren Goodhue
It was a high colonic.
– Hibbing Goodhue
Yes, a Jewish holiday. Mazel tov.
– Ryan Harrison
Listen to me. I was abandoned as a child. I never knew my mother, I never knew my father, I never knew my dog…
– Cass Lake
Yeah, pretty words, Baby Crackers. Your Popeil Pasta Maker is spewing out fettuccini full of lies.
– Ryan Harrison
I’m your sister. Lauren’s our mother.
– Cass Lake
I’m your mother’s identical twin, born ten years apart but identical. I killed your mother. Penis envy. She was a hermaphrodite.
– Lauren
Mom was my mother *and* my father?
– Cass Lake
Sean’s adopted. I dated your real father but chose the life of a freedom fighter.
– Lauren
This looks like a trailer park after a tornado.
– Lt. Fergus Falls
Right? Signal “yes” by shooting yourself in the head three times.
– Ryan Harrison
Don’t, it’s a trick!
– Lauren
Hibbing has been my good friend since our school days at Cherry Pants-upon-Buttocks.
– Sir Robert McKintyre